From a migrant point of view, I consider the decision to emigrate to Australia as a very interesting adventure.
It definitely offers rich experiences for new migrants.
However, adapting to a new country’s culture and the traditions of its people may expose the “newly arrived” to culture shocks that take days, months, and possibly years to overcome.
In the second half of the twentieth century, Australia witnessed a huge influx of migrants from East Asia, Europe, and the Middle East.
Today, the Australian community consists of more than 210 different nationalities.
Therefore, it is difficult to establish a standard model for acceptable social customs in Australia. For example, Australians have a very distinctive social lifestyle, which places their well-being before the well-being of their guests!
Also, it does not discriminate between rich and poor and strictly respects privacy.
I know this might be common sense and what everyone “should” be doing but that is not the case everywhere in the world.
It’s not very similar to what we are used to in Middle Eastern countries. Rich people are always a priority and are well heard. If you are not careful setting boundaries, you will find lots of people sticking their noses into your business, especially neighbours.
As well, no matter how depleted physically or financially you are, hospitality is one big social undertaking you need to look after within the society, to avoid trash talk behind your back. There, your guest comes first.
Azza Ibrahim says: "Some of our Arabic social traditions can be draining and expensive, especially for the average citizen. But Australians here are very simple and there is no need to go above and beyond to impress them.”
Iman Nabil adds: "Australia provides an opportunity for migrants to start a new social life from scratch, without it being based on compliments that drain the person's psychological and physical energy.”
Conversely, some Australian social traditions may put the new Arab migrant in some awkward and unforgettable situations.
Right to left: Mary Labaky, Oly Aly Source: Ola Aly and Mary Labaky
Hugs and kisses can be awkward
Just as happened with Ola Aly, who found herself swept up an awkward social encounter with an Australian family, when they invited her and her family to dinner at the beginning of their journey to settle in Sydney.
"When we arrived, the couple greeted us at the door. The woman came to my husband, embraced, and kissed him without warning, (while) at the same time her husband approached to hug and kiss me on the cheek," she said.
“I was shocked and pushed him away and told him 'No No No, we don't kiss and hug men.' I was not alone in shock; he was also very embarrassed.”
Less food at social gatherings
Speaking of Mrs Aly’s visit, in Australia, you should know that invitations to visit over a meal are very different from those that we grew up practicing in Arabic countries.
One of the most popular invitations migrants receive in Australia, are those that are usually to a barbecue or the so-called "barbie", whether at lunch or dinner time.
“At many of the barbecue gatherings we attended, we (saw) a table with a plate of burger patties, a plate of tomatoes and lettuce, a plate of cold cuts or sausage,” says Georgina Maurice. “Usually, the host invites you to make your own sandwich!”
“If this indicates anything, it indicates their simplicity in hospitality.”
Sameh Al-Gawadi adds: "They are not like us in terms of hospitality. We serve 10 items in terribly huge quantities, which may end up in the trash after the guests leave. As for Australians, they prepare the food for the number of guests they are inviting. This may give us the impression that they are a bit tight on money.”
Bring Your Own (BYO) food and drink
One other thing that can puzzle many recent migrants too, is that our role in this invitation is not just that of being a guest, because most of the time the host will expect you to bring your favourite drink or a dish with you.
Mohammed Elgohary says: "Indeed, I wondered why you would invite us to lunch and ask us to bring food and drink with us!
“If I wanted to bring something, like a box of chocolates, I would bring it. I never had anyone ask me before to bring food with me to a lunch or dinner invitation, except in Australia.”
Mary Labky had a different experience: "My Australian neighbour invited us to a Christmas party. I asked her if she wanted me to bring something. She said: ‘I called your husband and told him to bring the tabbouleh and you can bring toilet paper!’
“This mesmerized me.”
Right to left: Georgina Maurice and Safa Samoun Source: Safa Samoun and Georgina Maurice
Keeping it simple
“One final thing we learned and loved in Australian’s invitations is to offer to help clean up before we leave the host’s home,” Mr Ibrahim said.
“Unlike our countries, where you spend days preparing the food your guests, cleaning before they arrive and after they leave.
“When we, migrants, examined the origins of simplicity in dealing with visits in Australia, we found that one of the reasons for this is that the purpose of the visit is usually for communication and socialisation, and not for sitting at feasts, as in Arab countries.”
According to Maryam Elias: “I can't host anyone without offering dinner, fruits and sweets. This surprises and astonishes my Australian guests and they tell me ‘that's too much!’”
“What’s too much? it’s not for us!” she adds.
Mrs Nabil agrees with Tahani and Mrs Elias’s words: “Arab hospitality is very beautiful and must be preserved. Some have no choice but to continue providing it because it is one of the things that has been rooted in our upbringing and culture since childhood.”
Right and Left: Sameh Algawadi and Duaa AlSheikh Source: Duaa AlSheikh and Sameh Algawadi
Paying the restaurant bills
What if you decide to go out to a cafe or restaurant with your Australian colleague or friend, who will pay the bill?
Fighting or arguing over paying the bill is one of the common cultural habits of Arabs. This one “habit”, by far, is an anathema to Australians.
Mr Elgohary says: "When I decided to be the first to pay the full bill, my colleague was surprised and asked me, 'Are you sure?' and I said 'Yes, of course.' He said, 'Thank you'. I paid.”
“There was no attempt by him to argue with me and offer to pay it! On the other hand, when he once went to pay before me, he only paid for himself and left me to pay my remaining share of it.”
This habit of ours is a curse. I have been in Australia for almost 12 years and I still suffer from it.
“I tried to get my Australian female friends used to the principle. ‘I will pay this time and you pay next time’. They did not agree! Their reason was that they might not be able to pay it in full later,” Safaa adds.
Eman Nabil Source: Eman Nabil
Australians are nice people
Away from the difference in social habits and traditions between the Arabic and Australian cultures, and the “funny” situations they bring with them, the guests of this episode of Australia Explained podcast unanimously agreed that one of the best things about getting out of the house every day in Australia is that most Australians smile at you without knowing you.
Doua Omar said: “We grew up in a society in which if you smile at a stranger, there must be a reason behind the smile, otherwise it would be considered as flirting especially if it was directed at the opposite gender.”
“Their welcoming and friendly style makes me feel like I’m part of the community and not an outsider,” says Sarah Mohammed.
Friendliness rooted in history
But have you ever wondered where this friendly attitude that fascinates every migrant, visitor and tourist in Australia came from?
During the 18th century, Britain saw a rise in petty crime due to the Industrial Revolution. Technological developments led to unemployment and economic hardship, as people resorted to stealing to survive.
Prisons were overcrowded, so the British decided to transfer criminals to their colonies. Around 165,000 prisoners, also known as “convicts”, were brought to Australia between 1788 and 1868, most of whom were poor and illiterate.
They were outcasts and shared the same hardship, thus forming close bonds, and they had to rely on each other for companionship and survival. This then created a sense of “mateship” - a term used to describe shared experiences and mutual respect.
As convicts, people were discriminated against by those in authority and could not get decent jobs. Although they lacked good job positions, education, or wealth, they were unanimous in their belief in equality.
Over time this has led to an egalitarian society, where Australians believe that everyone deserves equal rights and opportunities, regardless of social backgrounds. This created a set of values that have defined and shaped the Australia we see today.
Children come first … but don’t touch!
Mohamed Elgohary Source: Mohamed Elgohary
However, we learnt that their kindness and their cheerfulness does have its limits, which can be crossed if you approach their children or pets without permission.
“During my early days in Australia, I was walking one day on the road with one of my friends. There was a couple in front of us with a little boy about three years old. He smiled at me and I came close to him and I picked him up and started playing with him,” says Fares Hassan.
“In these minutes, the parents gave me a look that I will never forget in my life.”
In Arabic culture and countries, playing with strangers’ children, kissing, hugging them is very normal. It cheers parents up - someone has spared a few minutes to acknowledge their child and compliment them with heart-warming attitude.
“We learned the value of a child in Australia when we decided to volunteer at our children's school. We were asked to apply for a work with children check,” Mr Elgohary said.
“When we asked about the reasons, they explained to us the importance of protecting a child and the laws that guard them.
“We do get used to it eventually though, even if we see the cutest child smiling at us. We just remind ourselves of the many angry faces we encountered during our first days out and about in Australia.
“I had a friend always comment on this, jokingly, 'The importance of people in Australia comes first for children, then women, then animals, and finally men.' And I am convinced of this.”
The other one beautiful tradition we learned about bringing up children in the Australian Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders’ culture is that of giving the child every opportunity to discover the world around them.
Opportunities that will help him or her feel free to develop the skills necessary to carve out their life path until reaching young adulthood.
The responsibility for raising children for First Nations people is shared among all members of the community.
Listen to Australia Explained in Arabic on , , or . Tailored for new and recent migrants to the land Down Under, the podcast helps demystify the quirky habits that embody the Aussie way of life. Listen in as SBS Arabic24 delves into the culture shock experienced by migrants in social spaces, the workplace, school, and more.
