There’s no one style of parenting and at different times, parents need different strategies to help them guide their children. Helping them to explore the world while protecting them from danger might sometimes seem like a difficult balancing act but it’s important to ensure your parenting style supports their healthy growth and development.
Helping children learn how to control their impulses and learn to deal with small frustrations early in life will equip them to deal with larger frustrations as an adult.
Four Parenting Styles
Experts in child development have named four styles of parenting. These can be seen in the diagram below where the horizontal axis measures how much discipline or control parents exercised in their relationship with their child, and the vertical axis measures love. Different parenting styles produce different responses in children.
1. Permissive Parents give lots of love but no discipline. They provide no direction and structure. This type of parenting often results in low self-esteem and feelings of inferiority. Though the parents give a lot of love, the lack of boundaries leave the children with insecurities. The children feel loved, but they are never sure of their limits. These parents are generally afraid of messing up and damaging their children, so they never set firm boundaries. The children feel very loved but very unsure of themselves.
Source: Family Futures team
2. The Neglectful Parents don’t express much love and don’t seem to discipline. Their children tend to grow up unable to have lasting relationships. They may feel abandoned. The neglect is mostly not intentional. The parent maybe living with their own traumas and chaos, like addictions or abuse. They do not want to neglect their kids, but they do not know how to cope with their own issues and do not have the tools to be healthy parents. These children grow up with emotional scars.
3. The Authoritarian Parent does not express love and affection well but is good with discipline. They raise children who want to rebel. The children have high standards to live up to. There is a strong sense of safety. Communication between parent and child can take the form of arguing and fighting, especially when the child is old enough to fight back. Authoritarian parents put pressure on their children, who often leave home as soon as they can.
4. The Authoritative Parent provides the best mix of love and discipline. This kind of parent is authoritative — not to be confused with authoritarian. This type of parenting balances lots of love with appropriate discipline. There is a connection between parent and child, respecting and honoring the child while not compromising their need for safety and structure. The result is a child high in self-esteem and equipped with good coping skills.
Research has found that the parent who balances love and discipline, without compromising either, produces well-adjusted children who maintain positive relationships.
Please note: This information is brought to you by the Family Futures Team Broadmeadows Family Relationship Centre. If you need to contact them, their number is 03 93513700.
Disclaimer: The views expressed here are those of the writer, and SBS recommends that readers obtain tailored advice for their personal circumstances.
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