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Radical or life-changing events such as migrating to a far away country, marrying someone from a different culture or renouncing the culture or religion of origin are not always based on the present desires or reflections of a person.
Sometimes, such personal decisions are unconsciously influenced by an unresolved family problem or trauma.
According to specialists, families are essential systems that interact, contribute and influence their members throughout the generations.
Thus, a family's past plays a fundamental role in the present of the members of that group. Therefore, ignoring or denying trauma from the past is likely to have a profound impact on an individual's present.
Clinical psychologist, Gabriela Salabert, cites the example of people who were adopted or who were not recognised by one of their parents.
According to Ms Salabert, if this situation is not addressed, if the past remains hidden, and if family members are excluded, that is likely to negatively affect those involved, who can feel a great sense of loss.
Our family systems have a kind of consciousness and everything is known or sensed.
"The adopted child knows that he or she is adopted. The family conscience knows that a child is adopted and sooner or later, this information will emerge," she says.
“The same thing happens with illegitimate children. There are many women who know that men have had children outside their marriage, who have not recognised them.
Some women try to ignore or avoid the fact that their partner has had children outside of the marriage.
"There is no peace in the system, there is no honesty, systems don't flow like that."
According to the specialist, unaddressed family conflicts can be passed down from generation to generation and are sometimes determining factors for someone in the group to make a radical or life-changing decision.
Hence, the importance of closing cycles, healing trauma and resolving family conflicts, she says.
Healing the past to enjoy the present
Ms Salabert specialises in family therapy and states that these systems have a very particular dynamic, which can affect the development of a member of the group.
A person is hugely shaped by their family interactions, the level of conflict in that group, and the environment in which they live, she explains.
Family violence is cited as another example. Although nowadays people may no longer completely rely on their family group to survive, women have more support to flee situations of domestic abuse and there is more social acceptance of family separation, Ms Salabert points out that it is still very important, even after leaving the situation of conflict, that people who have fled from that context also solve the problem on an emotional level.
[Leaving a situation of family violence] does not mean that the chapter is closed emotionally.
Ms Salabert says when people do not resolve this issue internally, within themselves, or when children also experience the conflict or witnessed domestic violence or suicide or abandonment at birth, and don't come to terms with the experience, this can then shape, influence or be carried over to future generations.
Even after escaping domestic violence, people must properly process the events in order to fully recover, Ms Salabert says. Source: Pixabay / Diana Cibotari
These unresolved emotional issues have a significant impact on migration, and in migrant populations too. This rings particularly true in Australia, a country where almost half of the population was either born overseas, or has at least one parent who was.
According to Ms Salabert, there are many second-generation Australians who present various emotional symptoms that they cannot identify, simply because they stem from family histories that have not been talked about or addressed.
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In her view, working through these emotional conflicts when children become adults can help them understand their parents' attitudes and how they may be unknowingly carrying on some of their burdens.
However, it is recommended to speak from a genuine willingness to understand the past of those people who migrated, avoiding "stigma, criticism or guilt", she says.
"For example, my father came to Australia in the 70s and never wanted to return to his country. He always avoided meeting members of the community, he doesn't want to talk about certain topics," Ms Salabert explains.
"People [with those attitudes] must have experienced a traumatic situation in their place of origin and today their adult children can address the issues from a different angle.
“Once you understand what is happening, it can shed light on problems and heal many behaviours that occur in the family."
Family violence can be another trigger for migration to a distant place, she says. And this, like displacement, wars, abandonment and other conflicts, must be addressed and discussed with family members who remain united in order to understand many behaviours and emotionally move towards a new family system, Ms Salabert says.
Rigid family systems could lead to exclusion or estrangement
In order to address a family's traumatic past, it is important to rely on family therapy specialists, support groups and psychologists.
However, according to Ms Salabert, nothing can be achieved without a flexible family system that recognises the need for help, allows the participation of third parties, and accepts the support of professionals to address conflicts.
In a flexible family system, if a member needs help, they can ask for it. We sometimes can't do things ourselves. We may need a doctor, or a psychologist, a social worker. So, flexible, permeable systems allow resources to come and go to help the family.
Ms Salabert points out that rigid systems produce the most suicides, migrations and violence.
According to the expert, in rigid family systems, members of the group tend to estrange or distance themselves when they fail to meet the expectations that are held about them. Sometimes these have to do with academic studies or with lifestyle circumstances or choices.
Lack of flexibility and rigid beliefs may force some family members to marry someone from a different culture or emigrate to escape. Source: Pixabay / Pixabay/brankin62 CC0
This lack of flexibility causes that person to exclude themselves, or even sometimes leave the family system by migrating far away and avoiding contact.
“This type of situation causes the person to seek to get out of the system in some way," she adds.
"In family therapy, we talk about these departures that can happen in different ways: one is suicide, another is migration, and another is marrying a person of another nationality."
On this last point, the clinical psychologist says that sometimes a person may try to distance themselves from a rigid family system by marrying someone totally alien to their culture or social group.
Little by little, they may start to abandon their language, customs and the identity of the family of origin. However, the underlying, unresolved conflict will persist if not addressed.
How to find psychological help in Australia:
- is an Australia-led Mental Health project focusing on mental health for people from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds (CALD), which provides access to resources, services and information in a culturally accessible format.
- More information about other in your language.
- Contact or the hotlines for immediate assistance and other supporting resources.
