Jeong-ah Kim grew up thinking North Korea was the only life possible for her.
But by the age of 31, she had become disillusioned by the country's regime and decided to risk everything to escape.
She spoke to SBS News about the hardships she faced inside the rogue nation, and her new mission to find her two children.
"Conditions in North Korea were so bad I would have half a piece of bread in the morning and the other half in the evening, and one sip of water in the morning and one at night," she told SBS News.
"So eventually I decided to leave."
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Her family almost starved to death and she said her 10-year tenure in the country's brutal armed forces continued to haunt her.
"After losing mobility twice I attempted suicide and during winter training I even developed gout, fell into shock and almost died," she said.
"That period of my life was like hell."
So desperate to escape after becoming divorced, and despite being pregnant, she allowed a stranger to arrange a marriage for her with a Chinese farmer.
Ms Kim said defecting was the hardest decision of her life, as she had to leave her oldest daughter behind.
Jeong-ah Kim's child still in China (SBS News) Source: SBS News
"I cry so much every night that every six months I have to change my pillow," she said.
"While she's growing up with the pain of thinking I abandoned her I eventually hope she understands just how hard I'm trying to find her and reconnect with her."
Ms Kim said living in China illegally for three years was extremely difficult.
With the constant fear that police would send her back to the North where she's face torture and prison time, she knew her only option was to flee to South Korea.
But this treacherous journey meant she was again forced to leave the daughter she had given birth to in China.
"We hid on a truck and rode through the whole night hearing the howls of wolves and wild animals," she said.
"At the end of the ride my whole body was covered in goosebumps."
Ms Kim lost touch with her daughter and was afraid to return to China.
She said the guilt of leaving her two children felt even worse because she was also adopted, and knew exactly what it's like to be abandoned.
Jeong-ah Kim and her family in the South (SBS News) Source: SBS News
she eventually started a charity, called Tongil Mom in 2015 to help other defectors with similar stories.
She's now appealing to the UN to help them be reunited with their children.
As of 2015, there were 27,000 defectors in South Korea.
It's estimated there are up to 300,000 defectors in limbo outside the Korean Peninsula.
More than 80 per cent of defectors are women, and of these women 60 per cent have been sold as brides.
