(Eds: note language in pars 3 and 6)
By Rashida Yosufzai
CANBERRA, May 5 AAP - "I'm pretty disabled in the head."
It's not the usual thing you hear in parliament - but then Bill Heffernan is not your usual politician.
One of the more colourful personalities in Canberra, the Liberal senator is widely known for his quirky lines ("F***, that's risky s***") , unpredictable behaviour (bringing a fake pipe bomb to parliament) and ability to shock (calling Julia Gillard "deliberately barren").
But one of his lesser-known jobs is managing the wild, wild west of parliamentary hearings - the Senate's rural and regional affairs committee.
If you think most other hearings are a laugh, you haven't been in one of these. Think: lessons in harvesting bee semen.
Senator Heffernan was once chastised by a public servant for being a "s***-house" and "dips***" chair because of his inability to manage time, leaving the bureaucrat waiting 12 hours to be heard.
He usually gets into a shouting match with Labor senators unimpressed with his musings about all things farms.
"You should try and behave like a proper chair," his usual nemesis Doug Cameron once said.
But with the outspoken Liberal set to retire after 20 years in politics, Thursday's hearing was his last.
It didn't disappoint.
When Senator Cameron wanted to know if an agency official inappropriately attended a Liberal party fundraiser, Senator Heffernan's advice was delivered with a mighty bellow.
"Who gives a rat's arse if he did!"
And then he complained about his government's unpopular backpacker tax would drive away willing workers.
"We can't get the derros off ice in country towns anymore!"
After he which he lamented that disability support pensioners weren't very disabled "except in the head."
"But I'm pretty disabled in the head."
