I have a confession to make... (no pun intended).
I'm Catholic.
This week it shames me a little to say it.
I will sheepishly admit it - but with my head down and with a quiet voice. I won't be shouting out my Catholicism from the rooftops, at least not right now.
Tonight, Cardinal George Pell - one of the most senior Catholic authorities - is behind bars. A convicted child sex abuser.
By now you're probably wondering: how on earth I can associate myself with a church that knowingly hid and committed horrific crimes against young children?
The answer to that is complex.
I was baptised as a baby and regularly attended Sunday mass as a child. I read the bible, the ten commandments, prayed with rosary beads, knew about the saints. There was even a point at my 'very religious stage' when I said my prayers every night.
I went through the sacraments, including confession, communion and confirmation. I used to view people in a black and white: that all priests were good, that all atheists were bad and if you didn't believe, you will definitely go to hell.
Needless to say, I do not still hold that view today.
Even at times when I questioned my faith, my Catholicism was always there in the back of my mind. When I was a child, if I felt scared I would turn to religion to guide me. When I did the wrong thing, I felt guilt. I asked God for forgiveness.
I believe that overall, Catholicism has made me a better person. But that doesn't mean that all religious people are perfect.
I am deeply disturbed by what Cardinal Pell did. I am actually beyond words. Almost to the point of renouncing my faith.
But here's the thing, I won't.
I, like I assume some other Catholics, separate the 'Catholic Corporation' from my personal faith.
Whilst I acknowledge that Cardinal Pell and other Catholic authorities have done the wrong thing and justice should be granted to those families, it is still a separate matter from faith.
The decision to convict Pell was unanimous. Everyone in the jury was convinced of his guilt. Our legal profession is complex, but chances are if there was enough evidence to make a charge and conviction against Pell, most likely, he did it.
Cardinal Pell's conviction should, at the very least, make us question the very institution in which we associate ourselves.
The Catholic Church has placed certain individuals on pedestals, giving them power and authority. Pell was one of them. We looked up to him with awe; the most trusted Catholic authority. He was the exemplary role model, a moral crusader.
He was even granted the prestigious Order of Australia medal, which will probably (or should) be stripped, given the legal outcome.
That awe was the wool over our eyes. The eyes of those who refused (and some still refusing - namely Andrew Bolt) to see what is really there.
A convicted child sex abuser.
So how can Catholicism survive this?
While this conviction will be a temporary blow, my belief is that Catholicism will still continue: kids will not be pulled out of Catholic schools, people will not stop going to church, faith in God will still exist.
I have lost faith in the institution, but not my religion. There's an important lesson to be learned here: wherever there is power, there is abuse.
When I step into a church I will speak to God, only this time I will not be blindsided by power.
My eyes will be open.
