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It’s 10pm and like clockwork, my mind goes into overdrive. What if I can’t fall asleep? Why is it so hot? Is the fan too loud or too quiet? I shouldn’t have looked at Instagram 10 minutes ago - all that blue light can’t be good for me. Oh, and how could I not have finished that article? Tomorrow is going to be awful.
And on and on this goes until it is 4am and sleep finally comes - albeit only for a few hours. The next night is much the same and so is the one after, until eventually, too exhausted by its own endless merry-go-round of anxious thoughts, my brain is forced to shut down.
The problem is, this same anxiety that keeps me awake is also the fuel for my ambitions.
Anxiety around my work means that I take a lot of care in verifying facts and turning work in on time. It keeps the precarious nature of my freelance work front of mind, and ensures that I always have multiple projects on the go.
Similarly, feeling anxious about the state of the world encourages me to seek out information on climate change and animal welfare to better understand how I can help, and it encourages me to be a better friend.
Anxiety simultaneously hurts me and helps me: so should we actually be thinking about it in a more nuanced context?
Modern psychology views stress as both positive and negative. A bit of stress is necessary for peak performance. When channeled into a positive activity in a positive way, it is.
Is anxiety useful too? And if not, why would my body have evolved an entirely useless response?
“On some level, anxiety is totally normal and to be expected - we wouldn’t have the emotion if it wasn’t doing some service for us,” says Nick Haslam, Professor of Psychology at the University of Melbourne.
“On some level, anxiety is totally normal and to be expected - we wouldn’t have the emotion if it wasn’t doing some service for us,” says Nick Haslam, Professor of Psychology at the University of Melbourne.
“All emotions have evolved to help us in some way: anxiety for example, can potentially alert us to possible future threats and challenges so we can respond to them now.”
Here’s the thing, Professor Haslam says, many, many people feel anxious. But in only a few - perhaps of the population - is that anxiety actually considered a problem.
“People sometimes decide they have anxiety problems, when what they really have is a totally ordinary and justified reaction to some challenging life circumstances,” he says.
It has not been a good year for mental health. Australians are struggling to deal with not only a significant public health issue, but also the consequences stemming from it: work and financial insecurity, loneliness, anxiety about the future.
A national survey found that 24 per cent of respondents were experiencing mild to moderate anxiety during the pandemic, versus the 2 to 7 per cent who experienced this state before the pandemic.
But at what point do normal feelings of anxiety turn into a disorder?
“There is no real line; what may be overwhelming to one person may not be to others,” Professor Haslam says.
“One way to think about the effects of anxiety is whether it is serving your goals, or interfering with them? If it’s making you lose sleep, preventing action rather than motivating action then it’s a bad thing.”
One way to think about the effects of anxiety is whether it is serving your goals, or interfering with them?
A lot of people will say or think they have an anxiety problem, Professor Haslam points out, when in reality it’s not clear that anxiety is truly impairing them.
“The fact they have negative feelings is not the point: they must significantly impact your life negatively, and stop you functioning at work, at home, in life,” he says.
In part, our relationship to anxiety has changed as the criteria for mental health has broadened, with new classifications adding new disorders while revising old ones. As a result, diagnoses have proliferated as new forms of psychological suffering have been identified.
“The problem with medicalisation an everyday problem is that once you give it a diagnosis, it changes the person’s perception of it and their response to it,” he says.
Clinical psychologist and CEO of Smiling Mind, Dr Addie Wootten, says that our relationship to emotions determines the impact of those emotions on our wellbeing.
“Anxiety is a feeling that can be incredibly motivating; it can give us impetus to learn new things, to push ourselves harder, to get up in the morning because we know we have things to do,” she says.
“However, when we have a negative relationship with anxiety, such as criticising ourselves over having intense feelings, it can become quite destructive and have a big impact on your life.”
Until recently, I thought everyone had the same thought patterns, a myth dispelled by a friend early this year who was shocked to hear me speaking about my nightly battles.
So how can we learn to deal with anxiety in a constructive manner - and how do we know when to get treatment?
“Part of the solution to solving the mental illness rates is actually starting to help people build a better relationship with themselves and their emotions, so that they don’t feel overwhelmed by those emotions,” Dr Wootten says.
She says learning to endure hardship, to sit with uncomfortable feelings is what helps build resilience, and that teaching children this philosophy from a young age is paramount to building a resilient generation.
“If we can get kids to understand the anxiety and sadness are part of normal life, then they will grow up into adults who understand anxiety,” Dr Wootten points out.
As for me, learning to live with a diagnosed anxiety disorder is challenging. Until recently, I thought everyone had the same thought patterns, a myth dispelled by a friend early this year who was shocked to hear me speaking about my nightly battles.
Who would have thought sleep (and many parts of life) could be largely uncomplicated?
But, like Professor Haslam says, “If you’re not experiencing some anxiety from time to time, you’re quite unusual — there are always things to worry about, problems that might arise in the future.”
Caroline Zielinski is a freelance writer.
The Truth About Anxiety with Celia Pacquola premieres at 8:30pm Sunday 3 October on SBS and SBS On Demand, as part of the Australia Uncovered strand of documentaries. All documentaries will be repeated at 10pm Wednesdays on SBS VICELAND from 15 September.
