I opened the Tupperware container that my husband had packed me for lunch. It contained casserole he’d made two nights ago. He’d packed a gigantic portion by my standards, but a regular portion for him, since he’s taller and bigger than me.
I ate until I was full and then put it aside, turning to my tea and dark chocolate.
“Are you going to throw that away?” my co-worker Tania asked.
“If I ate all that you’d have to roll me out of here.”
“I don’t know how you do that. I wouldn’t be able to throw it away. I’d eat it all and then be sick afterwards.”
As we spoke, she told me she’d been raised in an Italian Catholic household. Her mother had served large portions and then always mentioned the starving children in Africa who didn’t have enough to eat. Tania had spent her entire childhood eating more than she could, and carried that habit into adulthood. As a mother, she ate all the leftover food on her children’s plates for years, and it was only in the past few years she’d been learning to stop.
“I’d clear the table and stand over the sink, eating all the food as I stacked the dishwasher. I felt too guilty throwing anything away,” she said.
I, too, had put on weight after having my daughter, mostly from struggling to find time to prioritise myself and my health. There was always something else to be done and no time for exercise or to focus on my wellbeing.
It was only when I was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes that I began to drastically alter my eating habits. One of the hardest things has been learning to stop eating when I was full. Growing up in a Bosnian household, it was normal to eat until my stomach was bursting. It was a feeling that gave me comfort and pleasure.
It was only when I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes that I began to drastically alter my eating habits. One of the hardest things has been learning to stop eating when I was full
When guests came to visit, the expectation was to prepare enough food to feed an army, rather than the right amount for the number of guests that were due. To run out of food while guests were over was the greatest source of shame. The extra food would never go astray anyway, since we would eat huge portions of leftovers over the next few days. Even harder had been leaving food on my plate when I went out to a restaurant and had paid for the meal.
Other cultures have different eating habits. As an adolescent, I visited an Anglo friend’s house, and her parents served each person two sausages and mash, just enough for a portion. I blinked in shock that there was no huge pot of leftovers.
Hara hachi bu (腹八分目) is a Japanese term meaning: It originated in Okinawa, where people use this advice as a way to manage their eating habits. It seems that the Japanese discovered the secret to long life expectancy, and they have one of the lowest rates of illness from heart disease, cancer and stroke. The French also focus on portion control through willpower. The motto is to eat everything, but in moderation.
These concepts were antithesis to my upbringing. As I transitioned into my new eating routine and learnt to leave the table before feeling stuffed, I had to fight the urge to return to the pantry and eat bread to fill the space in my stomach.
The motto is to eat everything, but in moderation. These concepts were antithesis to my upbringing
The more I put myself and my needs first, the less appealing the idea of overeating has become to me. Now, I can enjoy the feeling of lightness occasionally. I allow myself the chance to feel hunger between meals; to appreciate what I am putting into my stomach.
Tania watched me wide-eyed as I walked over to the rubbish bin and cleared out the leftover food. “I don’t feel guilty at all,” I said.
I am choosing my own wellbeing over a bursting full belly. More importantly, I am learning to cook just the right amount to eliminate waste – at least when we’re not expecting guests for dinner.
Amra Pajalić is an of Sabiha’s Dilemma and Alma’s Loyalty, the first two books in her own voices young adult Sassy Saints series. Her books are published in ebook, paperback, hardcover, large print, dyslexic font and audiobook.
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