TRIGGER WARNING: sexual assault
Actress and Top Chef star Padma Lakshmi has opened up about being date-raped as a teenager in the, as part of the #WhyIDidntReport hashtag in support of the .
Lakshmi, 48, said she was raped by her 23-year-old boyfriend when she was 16 and did not report it because she believed it was her fault.
"I understand why a woman would wait years to disclose a sexual assault," she wrote, saying it took years before she could broach the topic with therapists and loved ones.
"I think if I had at the time named what happened to me as rape — and told others — I might have suffered less.
Lakshmi's disclosure comes in the wake of the viral #WhyIdidntreport hashtag where women across the internet share stories of why they didn't report sexual assault. The tag went viral after President Donald Trump questioned why Dr Christine Blasey Ford did not come forward earlier with allegations of abuse against Supreme Court justice nominee Brett Kavanaugh.
"I have no doubt that, if the attack on Dr. Ford was as bad as she says, charges would have been immediately filed with local Law Enforcement Authorities by either her or her loving parents. I ask that she bring those filings forward so that we can learn date, time, and place!" Trump tweeted last week.
Lakshmi directly referenced the Kavanaugh case in her op-ed, saying the impact of assault can live with victims for decades, and woven into a mix of shame, secrecy and trauma that make disclosure difficult.
"Some say a man shouldn't pay a price for an act he committed as a teenager. But the woman pays the price for the rest of her life, and so do the people who love her," she wrote.
"Those messages should be very clear as we consider whom we appoint to make decisions on the highest court of our land."
Lakshmi said she had been with her boyfriend for several months, who knew she was a virgin. On New Year's Eve, the pair retired to his apartment after going to a few parties.
"The next thing I remember is waking up to a very sharp stabbing pain like a knife blade between my legs," she writes. "He was on top of me. I asked, 'What are you doing?' He said, 'It will only hurt for a while.' 'Please don't do this,' I screamed."
"The pain was excruciating, and as he continued, my tears felt like fear. Afterward, he said, 'I thought it would hurt less if you were asleep.' Then he drove me home." she said.
"I'd always thought that when I lost my virginity, it would be a big deal — or at least a conscious decision. The loss of control was disorienting. In my mind, when I one day had intercourse, it would be to express love, to share pleasure or to have a baby. This was clearly none of those things."
Lakshmi said she did not tell anyone about the assault because "we had no language in the 1980s for date rape," and as a young girl she had learned to stay quiet about abuse. Lakshmi said she was sent to India as a seven-year-old after opening up to her parents about being assaulted by her stepfather's relative. Lakshmi first tweeted about her experiences in a thread on twitter.
"I was 7, the first time I was sexually assaulted. He was a relative of my mom's second husband. I told my folks and they sent me away," she tweeted.
"After I told my mother and stepfather, they sent me to India for a year to live with my grandparents. The lesson was: If you speak up, you will be cast out," she wrote.
Lakshmi's disclosure is an important contribution to the debate, a high-profile reminder of the complexities of sexual assault, and how social context, environment and family supports can be huge factors in having the language and understanding to vocalise trauma.
