Relax. If you happen to know the Queen of English, please ask her to retire this verb, which is no longer of practical value. If she refuses, try telling her to “relax”. Even she will see your point. There may be no human person, including our fictional queen, not filled with immediate dread upon hearing this English command.
“Relax” has been said for so long, it is now an invitation to panic. It is the word a doctor utters while they are wearing medical gloves and you are wearing no pants. It is the word a fitness instructor yells while they are wearing a headset microphone and you are wearing shorts so drenched in fearful sweat, they must be soon destroyed by fire. It is almost certainly the word a cult leader uses before inviting you to drink a bucket of blood. Or, whatever. I’ve honestly no idea what they get up to in cults, as I’ve never been much of a joiner.
Not even a truly relaxed person reacts well to the word relax.
I am, however, a member of the Stress Community. We do not meet often, as we tend to prefer sobbing softly alone into cushions over the social hurly-burly. Nonetheless, we often understand and recognise each other. We share responses to the world. For example, a sense of impotence in the much more serious than our panic attacks.
As we have discussed, not even a truly relaxed person reacts well to the word relax. A stressed person feels it as a trigger. It is emotional kryptonite to those of us cursed with anxious superpowers, and if you would like to hear me sob and/or see my muscles tighten, simply tell me to “relax”.
In fact, all unsolicited anti-stress tips will usually stress the stressed person. Advice like, “Let’s go for a walk” or, “Perhaps spend a bit less time watching videos of orphaned by drones today” is very sound, and I would do well to take it. But, like my stressed comrades, I am often so busy—refusing to relax is a lot of work—I am unable to take it.
There are those occasions when the stressed person is receptive to advice. Please note, these may not be indicated by the question, “Could you give me some advice about being less stressed?” Be cautious answering this, as it may be a trick. I have certainly asked the question knowing that any answer to it would upset me. I find many sneaky methods to intensify feelings of stress.
Relatively non-stressed persons who live with or care for members of the stressed community have their sneaky methods, too, though. One of them is to “accidentally” change the Wi-Fi password, temporarily preventing my access to social media and videos of orphans. Sure, I complain and become briefly stressed, but the result over time is household stress reduction.
The advice to some to “garden” is almost as stressful as the instruction to “relax”. So, don’t just present your stressed pal with a watering-can unless certain they won’t tip it on your head.
Another sneaky one is to buy me a plant seedling, or a cutting from a neighbouring yard. This reminds me that I enjoy gardening and feel very little stress when I am up to my armpits in manure.
We can be sure, of course, that the advice to some to “garden” is almost as stressful as the instruction to “relax”. So, don’t just present your stressed pal with a watering-can unless certain they won’t tip it on your head.
For you who live with or love a member of the stressed community, this is the sum of my stressed person advice: First, you have permission to be just a little bit sneaky with us. Second, call the Queen of English and have a word with her about the word “relax”. Nobody likes it.
Season 7 of Michael Mosley's 'Trust Me I'm A Doctor' airs on SBS at 8:30pm on February 5. The first episode focusses on stress reduction. Catch up on previous episodes on SBS On Demand.
