Parents of teenage daughters are five per cent more likely to divorce than those with teenage sons.
That’s the finding of a recent from The Melbourne Institute, provocatively titled Teenage Daughters as a Cause of Divorce.
In the research, two million marriages were studied in The Netherlands over 10 years. The researchers wondered if parents of girls are more likely to divorce, as from the United States has suggested.
The answer is no, not while the children are young – but there’s a twist.
It seems that there is in fact a higher divorce rate among parents of daughters – but only when those daughters are aged between 13 and 18 years.
Because this increase only becomes apparent when girls are teenagers, researchers have ruled out a cultural preference for having sons as a major factor. However, immigrant parents of girls who were involved in the Dutch study showed a slightly higher rate of divorce, perhaps because of increased gender role strains in these families’ cultures.
It is widely acknowledged that such cultural differences can create some unique challenges for children and parents alike. reports that being exposed to cultural values that are different to what’s accepted at home can be a source of family tension, particularly as their children gain independence through the teen years.
How do teenagers impact on their parents’ marriage?
The study’s authors suggest that raising girls in particular can be difficult on parents: "Teenage girls are likely to be subject to stricter regimes, less autonomy and more parental supervision than teenage boys, and these are likely to be met with child’s opposition.”
However, parenting expert believes that whether parents are raising girls or boys, the teenage years are a challenge.
“In order to successfully navigate adolescence, children need to establish an identity and separate from their parents – and this is a stressful thing for adolescents and for parents,” he says.
There are specific pressures that teenagers are bringing into the family environment. “You might have found out that your 15 year-old is [promiscuous] or taking drugs, or has perfectionistic tendencies that are creating tremendous anxiety. As a parent, you’re aching to help them, but frustrated because they won’t listen and you can’t fix things for them,” Dr Coulson says.
“This pressure means you can start to act in ways that demonstrate your stress. Sometimes, in sheer frustration and fear, you refer your stress away from your teenager and towards your partner.”
“Parents love their kids, so it’s very hard for parents to watch their children start to think and act independently, knowing that some of their decisions won’t be in their best interest.
“Parents just want to keep their children close and help them not to make poor decisions.”
How can parents protect their relationship against teenagers?
Because of those potential pressures, Dr Coulson says it’s important for parents (of teens of any gender) to safeguard their relationship. He has this advice:
- “You have to look after yourselves: get enough sleep, eat well and exercise. It sounds boring, but when you look after yourself you can be at the top of your (parenting) game.”
- “It’s important to nurture your relationship, so go on dates at least once a week to have a couple of hours in each other’s company.”
- “You need to be on the same page as your partner. That way, you can look at the stress being created by your teenager, and figure out a strategy to deal with it. You need to make sure you’re aligned.”
- “Put your marriage first. Remember that you got married because you’re crazy about each other, and you need to stay that way regardless of what your kids do.”
