This lesson suits intermediate learners. After listening, scroll down and test your knowledge with our quiz.
Learning notes
Language objective
Asking for help and supporting someone struggling
How to ask a friend if they are okay
- I noticed you’ve been withdrawn.
- Is there anything wrong?
- When you’re ready to talk, I’m here.
How to talk about struggles with kindness and empathy
- I’m sorry I’ve been shutting you off lately.
- I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
- I wish I could make things better.
- You’re strong and you’ll get through this.
- I’m always here for you.
- I can be your shoulder to cry on.
What to say when you are struggling
- I’ve been going through a rough patch lately.
- I feel so out of depth.
- I’ve been struggling.
- It’s been a lot.
- I just haven’t felt like myself.
- It just feels like my world is falling apart.
- I feel depressed and anxious.
- I need support.
- I’m having a hard time.
Colloquial expressions:
I haven’t felt like myself¸ means you haven’t felt well or isn’t able to behave their usual self.
When someone says my world is falling apart, it means something bad or very serious is happening that causes their life to change.
A shoulder to cry on is someone who listens to someone's problems with care and love.
A rough patch is a difficult period.
To be out of depth means to be in situation that is beyond one's capabilities or understanding.
Vocabulary:
Anxious – to feel worry, nervousness, or unease
Depressed – to feel constantly unhappy
Empathy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of another
Hotline - a special phone number set up for a specific reason
Sympathy – observation and acceptance of what someone else is going through
To open up – to communicate more
To reassure – to remove doubts
To shut off – to isolate or separate from someone
To struggle – to have a hard time
Withdrawn - not wanting to communicate with other people
Cultural information:
It can be difficult to talk about your problems and feelings, but talking with someone you trust can help a lot.
But if you feel that there is no one you can trust with your feelings and problems or if you think you may need more professional help, there are you can contact.
also offers support to prevent suicide and to create a conversation around asking people if they are okay.
If your struggle has to do with family and domestic abuse and, sexual assault, contact the police and ambulance for immediate help at 000, or for 24-hour counselling support.
Transcript:
(Note: This is not a word-for-word transcript)
Hi, my name is Nikki, and like all of you, I’ve gone through my own struggles, or challenges – both big and small. I’ve learned that whatever my struggles are, it’s always good to be able to talk to someone about them.
In this episode, we’ll learn phrases you can use to support someone or ask for help yourself.
Talking about problems can be hard to do. For some people, finding someone they can trust can be difficult, especially when it comes to uncomfortable issues.
Let’s listen to a conversation between friends Claire and Allan. Claire is going through struggles but finds it difficult to talk to Allan about them.
Allan
Claire, is there anything wrong? I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit withdrawn lately.
Claire
No, nothing’s wrong. I’m okay.
Allan
You know I care about you a lot, right?
Claire
I do, but I don’t feel like talking about it.
Allan
No pressure. When you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here.
Allan felt that something was not right with Claire, so he starts a conversation with her by saying,
I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit withdrawn lately.
To be withdrawn means to not want to communicate with other people.
Whilst Allan thinks that something might be wrong, Claire says that she’s okay. Allan then says these kind words to make sure she feels comfortable to talk,
You know I care about you a lot, right?
These words are very simple but are very important to say.
When a friend or a family member doesn’t want to talk about what they are feeling, it’s always good to remind them how much you care about them.
Saying these kind words will make them feel like they can trust you with their problems.
Other ways of saying you care could be, ‘I’m concerned about you.’ Or ‘I love you very much, so I worry about you.’
Although Allan shows his care for her, Claire still says that she’s not ready to talk. And yes, that’s okay.
Allan understands that Claire doesn’t want to talk and says,
No pressure. When you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here.
When someone says ‘no pressure’, it means that there is no need to do something right away.
Allan assures Claire that she doesn’t need to tell him now about what she’s feeling, but that when she is ready, he will be there for with kindness and empathy.
There is another word that is similar to empathy. That word is sympathy.
What exactly is the difference between the two?
To have empathy means to be able to understand what someone is going through and to be able to share their feelings.
To have sympathy means to simply observe and accept that someone is struggling.
Both are good things to feel. However, there is more closeness and warmth in empathy.
With empathy, you’re showing the other person that you can feel what they are feeling and that you understand them.
In this next scenario, Allan speaks to Claire with empathy.
Claire
I’m sorry I’ve been shutting you off lately. I just haven’t felt like myself.
Allan
It’s okay. I understand. We all go through struggles.
Claire
It just feels like my world is falling apart. I lost my job and my partner left me. It’s all too much.
Allan
Oh, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know how hard it is to open up, so thank you for trusting me. I wish I could make things better.
Claire
Thanks for being such a good friend, Allan.
Allan
Of course. I’m always a shoulder to cry on. You’re strong and you’ll get through this, but when things get a bit too much and you need support, I’m always here for you.
True friends are there for each other even when times are tough.
Claire first apologises to Allan, saying,
I’m sorry I’ve been shutting you off lately. I just haven’t felt like myself.
To shut someone off means to not communicate with them.
She says that she hasn’t been feeling like herself. This means that she hasn’t been feeling well lately or she hasn’t been behaving like she usually does.
Allan assures her that it’s okay and that,
We all go through struggles.
By saying this, Allan is empathising with Claire. It shows that he understands her because like everyone else, he also has times when he is struggling.
Claire says,
It just feels like my world is falling apart.
When someone says that they world is falling apart, it means that they are going through something so difficult and serious that their whole life has changed.
Can you remember what things were difficult and serious for Claire? She lost her job and her partner left her. I think that if this happened to me I’d probably also say…
It’s all too much.
‘It’s all too much’ is an expression you can say when things get overwhelming, meaning to feel like too much, when bad things are just happening all at once.
After learning of her struggles, Allan says these three things to show her empathy and care:
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
I know how hard it is to open up, so thank you for trusting me.
To open up means to communicate more.
I wish I could make things better.
These are such kind words to show that you are there for those you care about.
You could also say ‘It’s okay to be scared or sad’, ‘I’m sorry you’re hurting’ or ‘I feel awful imagining what you’re going through.’
Claire thanks Allan for being a good friend and Allan responds,
I’m always a shoulder to cry on.
‘A shoulder to cry on’ is someone who is willing to listen and be there for someone who is having a difficult time.
He says,
You’re strong and you’ll get through this, but when things get a bit too much and you need support, I’m always here for you.
Allan shows kindness by reassuring her that she is strong and that he is there for her. When you reassure someone, you make them feel comfortable with their decisions.
Claire is lucky to have Allan, but what if there’s no one you trust enough to talk with about your struggles, or what if you need more professional help?
Fortunately, in Australia, you can talk with a doctor, mental health professional and even call a mental health hotline for support.
A hotline is a special phone number set up for a specific reason.
There are different hotlines you can call depending on the situation you are in – if you’re depressed, meaning you are feeling constantly unhappy, or even going through abuse in the home, which we will discuss later in this episode.
If you haven’t reached out for professional help before, you may not know how to start the conversation. You don’t need to worry. Just imagine you are talking to a trusted friend.
Listen to these examples for things you might say:
I’ve been going through a rough patch lately.Claire
A rough patch is a difficult situation.
I feel so out of depth with work and I’ve been struggling with my personal life.Allan
To be out of depth means to be in a situation that is beyond your capabilities or understanding.
I’ve been feeling so depressed and anxious.Claire
While depressed means to constantly feel unhappy, to feel anxious means to feel worried or uneasy.
There can be times that you feel only one of these feelings or both of them at the same time.
I need support.Allan
These three words are powerful and will help get you the support you need.
There are many things that can cause us to struggle, such as work, money and failing relationships.
But what if you’re struggling because of abuse and violence that you are experiencing at home? How do you ask for support? Where do you turn?
Here with me today is Edinel Magtibay from SBS Filipino, whom I worked with on ‘’, a podcast series on domestic violence.
Hi Edinel!
Edinel
Hi Nikki! Thanks for having me today to talk about this very difficult but important issue. We went through tough conversations, didn’t we? But I could only imagine how much harder it was for our interviewees to talk about their experiences.
Nikki
Yes, very true. Do you remember some of the ways you were able to gain their trust and get them to open up?
Edinel
It was important to show empathy, to show them that we weren’t only reporting on their stories, but that we cared.
Some of the things I said were, ‘I know how hard it is for you to open up, so thank you for trusting me’ and ‘I wish I could make things better’.
Nikki
Also, we didn’t push. If they weren’t ready to talk yet, we waited and said ‘No pressure. When you’re ready to talk, we’ll be here.’
Edinel
Yes. I think us doing that series with empathy was also life-changing for us. For me now, whenever I go through rough patches or I feel out of depth, I remember the strength of our interviewees.
Nikki
Same here. If you’re listening today and you’re struggling with abuse in the home, please know that you can ask for help
We hope this episode has helped you learn how to ask for help in English, but if you don’t feel confident speaking in English, don’t let that stop you. .
Where to get help:
If you're a victim of family violence or know someone who is, you can call to get help.
If you require emotional support, you can contact on 13 11 14 or on 1800 22 46 36.
If you need an interpreter, call 13 14 50.
A big thank you to our educational consultant Professor Lynda Yates and, our guest Edinel Magtibay. Paul Nicholson and Lily O'Sullivan voiced the characters of Allan and Claire.
