Young people may develop ideas, values and beliefs that are different to those of their parents.
This is part of the normal process of moving towards independence but often parents struggle with how much independence they should allow their children at different ages and in different circumstances.
There is no one right way. Each young person is an individual and each family is different.
Communication with teenagers is different from communicating with younger children, but it is an important time to keep the channels of communication open.
Try following some simple tips below to help improve communication. However, always seek professional advice if you are concerned about your family relationships.
Love and Connect: support and accept their growing independence and maturity. Praise goes a long way in assisting self-esteem and confidence.
Give teens some autonomy, especially if they behave appropriately. However, as a responsible parent you need to know where they are. If it feels necessary, require them to call you during the evening, to check in.
Monitor and Observe: allow them to know that you are paying attention to them and their world, that you are there because you are interested and concerned.
Allow room for their self-expression. Make sure they can establish their own identity, giving them more independence.
However, if it means going out with friends you are not sure about, try different tactics. Invite their friends for dinner and get to know them. When they see how their friends act with their parents, they can get a better sense of those friends.
If you say, you cannot go out with those kids, it often can backfire -- it just increases the conflict.
Do not interrogate, but act interested.
Share a few things about your day; ask about theirs. How was the concert? How was the date? How was your day? Another good line: "You may not feel like talking about what happened right now. I know what that's like. But if you feel like talking about it later, you can come to me."
Guide and Limit: Create clear boundaries while encouraging increased competence. Boundaries set early in life can be strengthened or relaxed depending on the circumstances.
Choose your battles. Some things matter: doing harm or doing something permanent (like a tattoo).
Purple hair, a messy room -- those may not matter to such an extent.
Do not nitpick. Keep the door open. Allow teens to be aware of consequences.
Children need to know how their actions impact on others.
Model and Consult. Provide continual support for decision making. Allow your teen to make decisions and gently guide them by helping them find the necessary information to make the decision.
Lead by example and always continue communication. Decide rules and consequences in advance.
In a two-parent family, it is important for the parents to have their own discussion so they can come to agreement. Whether you ban them from driving for a week or a month, whether you ground them for a week, cut back on their allowance or internet -- whatever -- set it in advance.
If your teen says it is not fair, then you must agree on what is fair punishment. Then, follow through with the consequences.
Your actions -- even more than your words -- are critical in helping teens adopt good moral standards. If they have a good role model from early on, they will be less likely to make bad decisions in their rebellious teen years.
Provide and Advocate. Provide a supportive home environment and a network of caring adults. Talk to teens about risks.
Whether it is drugs, driving, or premarital , your teens need to know the worst that could happen.
Give teens a game plan."If the only option is getting into a car with a drunk driver, call me -- I don't care if it's 3 in the morning.” Or make sure they have cab fare.
Help them figure out how to handle a potentially unsafe situation, yet save face. With your help, let them try to come up with a solution that feels comfortable.
Please note: This information is brought to you by the Family Futures Team Broadmeadows Family Relationship Centre. If you need to contact them, their number is 03 93513700.
Disclaimer: The views expressed here are those of the writer, and SBS recommends that readers obtain tailored advice for their personal circumstances.
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